It is often said that the greatest enemy lives inside our head.
More than we listen to other people, we listen to ourselves. We have more control over how we think and feel, than we have over the things said by others, yet we allow others to dominate our thinking.
When we experience negative thinking and self doubt we are allowing others to crowd our mind with their expectations and concerns, rather than listen to our own thoughts.
As an individual we always have the option of looking for the positive side of something, rather than succumbing to the negative aspects. Others may present a negative perspective and we may absorb that, however it doesnt mean we have to accept it, or be dominated by it.
It is natural to have self doubts. When we try something and fall over, it is natural to say, perhaps I aimed to high. There is however another area for exploration. What did you learn from the experience?
You didn’t actually learn that you are a failure. You learned that some things don’t go to plan, that you neglected to take something into consideration, that some things took longer than anticipated, that you needed help to achieve something or even that there is a different, better way to get from A to B. These are the positives, these are the things you learned. This is the part of yourself you should be listening to.
No thing is perfect and no thing lasts forever. You are not defined by how many times you fall over; you are defined by the number of times you got back up and said, let’s take the learning and have another go at this.
When we ask the question, what have we learned? When we take the learning and move forward, incrementally, step by step, we are in control of ourselves. Then we don’t need to listen to the doubters, stirrers and the mediocre majority. We are our own master.
It is always good practice to take stuff out of your head and get it down onto a piece of paper. This is a simple, practical technique for clearing the clutter. It helps you to focus without being distracted. It provides a focus point to return to if you become distracted.
Some people write lists, others pages and some draw pictures or maps. Whatever works for you is best for you. When you take something out of your head, away from conflicting clutter, you can seperate aspects, share them with others, explore relationships and options.
Most issues are not complex. We assume complexity through allowing others to pile their shit on top. Don’t let that happen.
If others are determined to pour their shit into your head, then find someone else to be around. They are not there to help you. Look for the person that asks what have you learned? That person wants to help you to be the best that you can be.
John Coxon has more than two decades experience as a mentor, management coach and consultant, working with people in social service agencies. He has a simple philosophy, you already know the answer to your problem, John simply provides you with a safe place to explore your options. Email him anytime to arrange a free, no-obligation phone call – it might be all you need.